Joke Time :)

TORTURE

 

Tatay: Anak bakla ka ba?

Anak: opo..

 

sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak sa harina.

 

Tatay: ANO? ngay0n lalaki ka na ba?

Anak: Geisha na po.

 

 

nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubog ang mukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig.

 

Tatay: Ngayon ano ka na?! SAGOT!

Anak: dyesebel na po..

 

nagalit lalo ang tatay.. kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hanggang ito'y mangitim.

 

Tatay: PUNYETA ka! ano ka na ngayon!!

Anak: Ako na po si BEYONCE! Ang CHURVANG 'toh…

 

DUGO-DUGO

 

Sir: Inday, si Sir mo ito... nabangga kotse ko and i need cash!

Inday: Aha! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!

Sir: Gaga! si Sir mo talaga 'to!

Inday: Gago! s Sir ang tawag sa akin CUPCAKE!!!!

 

KUTO PATROL

 

Mga kuto naguusap sa two way radio...

 

Kuto1: Do u hear me over?

Kuto2: Copy!

Kuto1: Location?

Kuto2: Sa bulbol ni ma'am..ikaw?

Kuto1: Walanghiya!! magkatabi lang pala tayo, nandito ako sa bigote ni sir!

 

YEAR 2012

 

Prosti 1: Sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngayon, kahit P200 payag na ko.

Prosti 2: Ako kahit 100..payag na!

Prosti 3: Ako nga blowjob for free! may makain lng!

 

THE RELIGIOUS LION

 

A man was cornered by a lion. he prayed..."Lord, pls make dis lion a christian".

The lion suddenly knelt down and prayed....

LION: "Bless this food that i'm about to receive thru Christ our LORD, Amen."

 

PARKING LOT

 

Binata: Miss, pwede bang manligaw sa 'yo?

Dalaga: At bakit?! may CRV ka ba? BMW? PAJERO? EXPEDITION?

Binata: Anakamputs! Baket? ano ba yang PEKPEK mo? PARKING LOT?

 

ETHICS

 

Teacher: Class what is ethics?

Juan: Sir ethics are those cousins of ducks! what can you say sir?

Teacher: very nice answer! That duck will lay an egg and that egg will be your grade!!!

 

MAANGHANG

 

Anak: 'Tay wala na naman tayong ulam?

Ama: Mahirap ngayon ang buhay anak, tiis muna tayo, isipin mo na lng ung ulam na

sasabihin ko sa bawat subo mo.

Anak: Sige 'tay!

Ama: Nilagang baka!

Anak: Hmmm… sarap

Ama: Adobong baboy!

Anak: Hmmm… sarap

Ama: Kalderetang kambing!

Anak: Huhuhuhuhu!

Ama: Bakit ka umiyak!

Anak: Ang anghang 'tay!

 

SI BITOY

 

Bitoy: “Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?”

Dagul: “Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. ”

Bitoy: “Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?”

Dagul: “Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!”

 

RAPE

 

Judge: “Miss ilang beses ka ba ni-rape nitong akusado?"

Rape Victim: “Tatlong beses po!”

Rapist: “Sinungaling, Dalawang beses lang.”

Rape Victim: “Bakit, di ba Counted yung nasa Ibabaw ako?

 

MATALIM

 

Anong mas Matalim?

Anong mas matalim ang NGIPIN o PUWET?

isip…..

isip…..

isip…..

kung ang sagot mo ay PUWET tama ka … bakit kamo?

kaya bang pumutol ng TAE ang NGIPIN mo.

 

HANGIN

 

Nagpa-check up ang isang buntis...

Dok: “Misis, ayon sa ultrasound, walang sanggol sa sinapupunan mo. Puro hangin lang!

Buntis: “Hoy, dok! Excuse me! Anong akala mo sa mister ko, compressor?

 

MENTAL PATIENTS

 

Si Nurse binisita ang tatlong pasyente

 

P1: (nagbabasa ng encyclopedia)

Nurse: wow! improving ka! thats good.

 

P2: (nagbabasa ng dictionary)

Nurse: cool! ipagpatuloy mo lang yan.

 

P3: (nakatayo sa mesa w/arms wide open) "ako ang ilaw!"

Nurse: hoy! bumaba ka nga jan. baka mahulog ka. wala ka pa din pagbabago.

 

(naupo si P3 sa upuan)

 

P1 & P2: Ay, brownout?

 

 

Doc: Kiko, Salamat sa ginawa mong pagsagip duon sa isang pasyenteng nahulog sa balon

kaninang umaga. At dahil sa kabayanihan mong iyon, naniniwala na ako na ikaw ay magaling

na, kaya puwede na kitang pauwiin at palabasin dito sa Mental Hospital.

 

Kiko: Totoo, Doc? Naku, maraming salamat po!

 

Doc: Kaya lang, namatay din kanina lang yun pasyente! Kasi nagbigti siya eh!

 

Kiko: Hindi po siya nagbigti dok! Isinampay ko po siya.....para matuyo!

 

WITNESS

 

Pulis: Sino nakakita sa aksidente?

Vendor: Ako sir, Ako!

Pulis: Buti naman may witness, nakita mo ba ang plate no nung sasakyan?

vendor: OPO!, nagsisimula ho sa 4!

Pulis: Ano kasunod?

Vendor: Registration.

 

ALIMANGO

 

Mister: Gustong-gusto ko talagang kumain ng alimango.

Misis: Naku ingat ka sa cholesterol niyan! may kilala ako sa tondo na kumain ng

tatlong matatabang alimango na puro aligue habang nakikipaginuman

Mister: Talaga!!! tapos ano nangyari??

Misis: Lumabas lang siya sandali para jumingle ayun bigla na lang bumulagta patay na!

Mister: Inatake sa puso??

Misis: Hindi, sinaksak ng adik! marami talagang loko dyan sa Tondo!

 

PAMILYANG SINGER

 

Pare1: Pare, napansin ko na ang buong pamilya nyo, eh walang tigil ang pagkanta habang

nasa loob ng banyo. Siguro singer kayo lahat ano?

Pare2: Hindi naman pare, kaya lang eh talagang kailangang kumanta kami ng malakas kapag

nasa loob ng banyo.

Pare1: Ha! eh bakit naman ganun, Pare?

Pare2: Kasi sira ang lock ng banyo namin eh!!

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LADLAD ELECTS NEW OFFICERS; ALL SET FOR 2013

Ladlad Partylist conducted a national convention attended by coordinators and members all over the country to set in motion its preparations for the 2013 midterm elections. 

The highlights of the convention was the election of a new Board of Trustees and Congressional nominees to represent the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Filipinos in the 16^th Philippine Congress next year.

“We are gathered here today to show our love and support for our Ladlad party list,” said Senior Party Adviser,  Mr. Boy Abunda. “Today, you are home. We are all home in Ladlad, mula ngayon hanggang 2013 and beyond,” Abunda added.

In Filipino, "ladlad" means to come out and assert one's human rights as equal to all.  It means to take one's place in the sun, with dignity intact.

Ladlad’s first nominee in Congress is Ms. Bemz Benedito, a transgender woman. She was also the first nominee in 2010 elections and the chairperson of the organization until last month.

Prof. Danton Remoto, the newly installed chairperson of Ladlad, is the second nominee. Remoto was the Communications Officer of the United Nations Development Program before he joined TV 5 as Head of Research and Desk Manager. 

The 3^rd nominee is Atty. Germaine Leonin. She is the founding president of Rainbow Rights Project Inc., an organization composed of lawyers. 

The fourth Congressional nominee is also a lawyer, Atty. Raymond Alikpala, author of the book God Loves Bakla. Mr. Pidot Villocino, a proud gay man, is the 5^th nominee of the party. He hails from Davao City and works for the Integrated Gender and Development Division of Davao City. 

The new Board of Trustees of the organization who were elected during the February 18, 2012 convention were Prof. Danton Remoto, Mr. Dexter Macaldo, Rev. Ceejay Agabayani of Metropolitan Community Church-Quezon City, Ms. Ivanka Custodio of Lesbian Activism Project and Ms. Rica Paras and Ms. Santy Layno of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP). 

Aside from electing Prof. Remoto as its Chairman, the Board of Trustees also appointed a new set of officers. Vice Chairman is Mr. Edmond Osorio; Secretary is Ms. Ivy Krystel Hapitan, and the  Treasurer Mr. Raffy Aquino.

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LADLAD CRIES FOUL ON BANNING OF GAY PERFORMERS IN PUERTO GALERA

THE partylist for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Filipinos, Ladlad cried foul on the alleged banning of gay performers in Puerto Galera. The party has called for a dialogue with the local officials in the island if the news report were true.

“I will personally visit Puerto Galera and have a dialogue with the local officials about this matter,” said Ms. Bemz Benedito, first Congressional nominee of the group.

Last Sunday, Ladlad members reacted to news reports saying that bar owners were complaining to the local government officials of Puerto Galera for disallowing gay talents to perform in a show due to lewdness. The owners reportedly were alarmed because their coffers will surely get affected because their patrons are always looking for the gay performers.

“This is a clear violation of their right to work,” Benedito said. “Ladlad will oppose the approval of this measure,” she added.

On the same report, the chairman of one of the towns of Puerto Galera already refuted the claims of the bar owners, saying that they were only reprimanding the gay performers to tone down the language they are using on stage.

Ladlad further said, the remedy is an ordinance to prohibit children and an age cap on who to allow in entering such comedy bars. Prejudice must not set in this case especially to gay performers.

“In a comedy bar, children should not be allowed because of the sensitivity of the language being used in this kind of entertainment. Besides you cannot control the performers on what to say and do on stage,” Benedito stressed. “In television, you have an agency that reviews and classifies programs that suits the right age of its viewers,” Benedito added.

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LGBT PARTY HAILS THE VICTORY OF MS. HEART DIÑO AND ALEX CASTRO

LADLAD Partylist hailed the election of Ms. Heart Diño as the first transgender Chairperson of the University Student Council (USC) in the University of the Philippines (UP) – Diliman.

Professor Danton Remoto, the newly installed Chairperson of Ladlad said the victory of Ms. Diño shows that the horizon of one’s dreams is infinite, whether one is lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).

“The power to lead has been transferred to the capable hands of a transgender leader,” said Remoto. “We applaud this historic moment and congratulate her achievement,” he added.

The Party also lauds the election of Alex Castro, a bisexual woman, as the Vice Chairperson of the UP Diliman USC.

Ladlad hopes that this is the start of a new diversity that will emerge in mainstream politics. Remoto disclosed that the first nominee of Ladlad is a transgender woman.

“Our first nominee is Ms. Bemz Benedito. If we are lucky, it would be another milestone for the LGBT community if she becomes the first transgender Partylist Representative to be elected” Remoto said.

The political party for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Filipinos will run as partylist in the 2013 midterm elections.

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University of the Philippines USC Election and Gender Discrimination

Last Saturday, I received a call from Mae Hernandez regarding a negative propaganda against one of the candidates for the Chairperson post in the University of the Philippines Student Council Election, Heart Dino. It was quite alarming because the issue focused on the said candidate's sexual orientation. Of all schools, why did it have to be in UP where it should be progressive when it comes to gender identity, sexual orientation and human rights.

According to some sources, Shaina Santiago, standard bearer of KAISA, claimed that she is the ONLY female candidate for the USC Chairperson this year (referring to Heart Dino as "fake" female)

Nikki Salazar, candidate as a USC councilor, member of Gabriela Youth, was rumoured to have shouted "Ibalik ang USC Gender Committee sa tunay na babae!"

I am a Lasallian but this got my sympathy. If these accusations are TRUE, this is an indication of transphobia and ignorance.

Shaina asked for apology and stood corrected for being politically incorrect, while Nikki on the other hand, clarified that she did not attack anyone in particular.

This caused a stir and reached LGBT networks in Europe. Sass Sasot, through her facebook account, one of the leaders for Transgender Activism, has this to say: 

In support of Ms Heart Dino

by Sass Rogando Sasot 

An Oxymoron? A patriarchal heteronormative transphobic feminist.
AND since when patriarchal heteronormative transphobia becomes “progressive”?

Nikki Salazar needs some re-education and Shaina Santiago needs some perspective.

A member of Gabriela Youth, Ms Salazar was quoted as saying that the University Student Council (USC) Gender Committee of University of the Philippines (UP) should be given back to a “real” woman (Ibalik ang USC Gender Commitee sa tunay na babae!).  She is saying this because at the helm of USC Gender Committee is Ms Heart Dino, an out and proud transgender woman, who is currently running to be the USC Chairperson. On the other hand, Ms Santiago, another USC Chairperson candidate running under KAISA, a student political party in UP, was quoted as saying that she is the only woman in the race (Ako lang ang babae sa laban na ito!).

One would expect that these comments would come from the filthy mouth of a sexist, heteronormative, bigoted, reactionary oppressor. But No: Ms Salazar and Ms Santiago are members of organizations that are anything but those labels. Well I’m basing that assumption on the facts that:  Gabriela Youth is a feminist organization and KAISA considers “inclusive activism” and “social progress with social justice” as its principles. These two organizations are (or should be) anything but sexist, heteronormative, bigoted, reactionary , and oppressor. After all, these organizations are always on the frontline whenever there’s a roll call of “progressive” organizations in the Philippines; unless of course, progressive now means a regression to a patriarchal, heteronormative, and transphobic way of living. Instead of focusing on whether or not Ms Dino has the ability to lead and do the job, Ms Salazar and Ms Santiago focused on whether or not Ms Dino is a “real” woman or not.  The words of Ms Salazar and Ms Santiago echoed the discriminatory words of employers as they shut the door of employment to transgender people in the Philippines.

But let’s explore furthermore the comments made against Ms Dino. What is the “real woman” they are talking about?  Does this “real woman” exist? What is the basis of this “realness”? Some would say that a “real woman” is someone who was “born” female. Some would say a “real woman” is someone who can be pregnant. Others would say a “real woman” is someone who has an XX chromosome.  It seems answering the question “Who is a real woman?” will always solicit a reference to the body.  Using the body as the arbiter of “who is a real woman” or “who is not” hides the fact that the terms we use to label our bodies are produced by culture. Our bodies are not objective grounds. Our bodies are not books that biologists, scientists, and even feminists read. We are not born into this world with bodies that have names already. Our bodies are named using names produced by culture.  When it comes to our gender, we are not born with the labels “female” or “male” on our bodies. Assigning our gender is a social decision made by the doctor; and that decision is based on the prevailing and dominant pattern of thinking in society. As what Dr Anne-Fausto Sterling said in Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality: “We may use scientific knowledge to help us make the decision, but only our beliefs about gender-not science-can define our sex. Furthermore, our beliefs about gender affect what kinds of knowledge scientists produce about sex in the first place.”

More importantly and more disturbingly, this exercise of determining who is a “real woman” or not is akin to all oppressive projects which uses the tactic of designating who is real or not as their weapon to exclude, dominate, and control. Determining whether someone belongs or not to the category of “real” is always a prelude to the will to dominate and oppress because those who would be considered “not real” would be designated to the category “fake.” When that process begins, it only takes a few batting of eyelashes before those considered “fake” to be stigmatized, discriminated against, and marginalized. Henceforth, those who would be considered “fake” would be considered immoral, unnatural, illegal - not human.

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HIV Confidential Counseling and Testing (March4)

MAKATI HAS FINALLY STOOD UP TO THE CHALLENGE!

WHAT: HIV Confidential Counseling and Testing – it’s FREE! Walang bayad!

WHEN: Sunday, 4 March 2012

TIME: 9:00am to 5:00pm

WHERE:
Gen. Pio Del Pilar National High School,
F. Zobel cor Morong St., Poblacion, Makati City
(directly at the back of Makati City Hall)

SHARE SHARE SHARE!

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DIVERCITY FASHION SHOW

Divercity. Witness a show like no other. Experience a city without limits.

UP JMA proudly celebrates

Diversity. Diverse City. DIVERCITY FASHION SHOW

in celebration of the LGBT community

Featuring designs by:

FADAL MANILA
Jaz Cerezo | Lizanne Cua | Ulysses King | Noelle Llave | Dave Ocampo
Gerswin Qua | Cheetah Rivera | Levenson Rodriguez | Mark Tamayo
Cherry Samuya Veric | Paradigm Shift by Karl Leuterio & Mike Magallanes

Nico Agustin | Veejay Floresca | Santi Obcena | UP ACTS
Sole Academy | Trunk Show Manila


Beats by:
DJ Cal of Androgyny Productions
DJ Ohm R of BED Manila


Mark your calendars:
18 FEB 2012 | 7PM - 12MN
White Space, Makati

FREE ADMISSION AND COCKTAILS

UP JMA PUBLICITY EVENT

Co-presented by:
FADAL MANILA | MUD | UP ACTS | PURE BEAUTY | SPRINT ASIA BEAUTY
NAIL IT! | UP BABAYLAN | WET N' WILD | DJ OHM R

In cooperation with:
TOSKA VODKA | EL HOMBRE TEQUILA | HOLLYWOOD STYLE HERBAL FORMULAS
SOLE ACADEMY | PARTY SHAKER | QUEER ARCHERS ALLIANCE | TRUNK SHOW MANILA

Our media sponsors:
CLAVEL | CLICK THE CITY | HEY WEEGENER | STEADYCAB | MELLOW 94.7 | SPOT.PH
DZUP RADIO CIRCLE | MAGIC 89.9 | 99.5 RT

Supported by:
UP EURO | PROUD TO BE LGBT | SANTUGON | STRAP | USC | ALYANSA | CHE SC | BAC
ABM | AIT SC | UP SPECA
______________________________________________________________________
Photography by Joseph Pascual
Videography by Judd Figuerres
Make-up by Kim Alcoreza
Styling by UP ACTS


WATCH OUR VIDEO:
http://vimeo.com/pubevent/divercity

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK:
www.facebook.com/pubeventDIVERCITY

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER:
www.twitter.com/upjmapubevent

CLICK ATTENDING!
https://www.facebook.com/events/175108385925056/

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